A couple of years ago I wrote about strategies for actually accomplishing the goals we set for ourselves at the beginning of the year. It’s that time again, and you can read that article by going back to the January 2005 issue of The Practice Manager or you can view it on our website. If you implemented those ideas, I know you made a lot of progress. If you didn’t make progress or didn’t implement any strategy to achieve your goals, then some hidden factors may be influencing you.

Limiting Beliefs Hold Us Back 

When we get stuck and just can’t seem to do what we know we should do, that’s a sign that we have some limiting beliefs holding us back. When I catch myself saying “I have to” or “I can’t” unless someone has a gun to my head, the truth is more likely that I am choosing that result because of a limiting belief I hold. When I see only two conflicting and equally unappealing options, I’m stuck in either/or thinking. In reality there are probably many other options, but they are not apparent to me at that moment because limiting beliefs have hooked me again. When I use hyperbole and words like “always” or “never” I might as well start looking for the underlying limiting belief.

Common Lawyer Beliefs

Here are some limiting beliefs I hear from my clients:

  • I don’t have time for goal setting, and that never works for me anyway.
  • I don’t have time for vacation (or business development activity). I’m too busy.
  • I can’t take a vacation (or spend money on business development) now. Business is too slow.
  • If I contact a client I represented 5 years ago, he’ll think I’m desperate for work.
  • I should have gotten up to speed on technology years ago, but now I’m just too far behind to catch up.
  • I’m too old to learn to use all this technology.
  • I hate going to those social events because everyone there is so shallow.
  • I’m not good at networking because I never have anything interesting to say.
  • It doesn’t do any good to get involved in bar activities. There aren’t any clients there, only competitors.
  • I can’t go home just because I’m worn out. The partners will think I’m a slacker.
  • I can do it faster and better, so I might as well do it myself.

 Unrecognized Beliefs

The most insidious limiting beliefs operate beneath the surface, and we don’t recognize they are influencing us. They keep us from having what we want. We don’t get started, we don’t risk new behavior, we don’t ask for what we deserve, or when what we want comes our way, we step aside to let it pass.

Back in the 1990’s my then husband and I decided we wanted the dramatic decorating statement of black sheets in the master bedroom. To our disappointment, we had great difficulty finding the smooth, soft ebony sheets we had imagined. We found only course ‘fading-to-gray’ sheets, if we found black at all. After weeks of searching in stores and mail order catalogues, we stumbled upon elegant Egyptian cotton sheets of black-on-black stripes that we both loved. Then we saw how elegant they were- one set alone would cost $350. Even though we could afford them, the price seemed extravagant when compared to the quality sheets available in other colors for under $75.

I waffled and hesitated. My husband, however, gestured decisively toward the sheets. They were just what we wanted, and we were unlikely to find a suitable alternative elsewhere. I agreed to buy the sheets, but I couldn’t seem to get myself to the counter to pay for them. I turned to put them back. I turned back to the counter. I hesitated again. Finally my husband snapped at me, “Just buy the #*%@ sheets!”

I bought the sheets, and on the way out of the store I complained about his words and tone. He told me he was tired and frustrated, and then he asked, “What did you want me to say?” The question caught me by surprise, and when I searched within for the answer, I was even more surprised at what came up. I wanted him to say, “It’s ok to buy those expensive sheets. You deserve them.”

I wished for beautiful, high quality black sheets, and when the opportunity came for my wish to be granted, I almost didn’t accept it because I unconsciously didn’t feel deserving of such expensive luxury.

What limiting beliefs about yourself are keeping you from receiving your wishes?

Here’s what some of them may sound like:

  • People won’t like me if I’m too successful.
  • If it’s fun, I can’t make a living at it.
  • Struggle and suffering are more honorable than fun and joy.
  • You have to work hard to earn money.
  • I have enough. It is greedy and unspiritual to want more.
  • It’s vain to want to be acknowledged for my accomplishments and worth.
  • I don’t deserve to have everything I want.
  • I’m not as good as the people I’m competing with.
  • If I set a goal too high, it will hurt more if I fail.
  • I need credentials to be credible.
  • I can’t afford to have what I want.
  • I don’t count around here.
  • If I keep growing, I will find myself alone.
  • If I get too happy, something will go wrong.
  • It is shameful to make a mistake.
  • I can’t really change. I just am who I am.
  • It is selfish to spend time, money or energy on myself.
  • I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
  • Who do you think you are?
  • It’s not safe to make waves.

Antidotes to Limiting Beliefs

By now you may be recognizing that some of your limiting beliefs have been holding you back. Awareness is the first step to overcoming them. Here are some more steps:

  1. Make a list of all of your limiting beliefs that you can identify.
  2. Ask yourself some questions about them. Where did I learn this idea? Who says so? Has it ever been different? Does this make sense? How does believing this idea affect me? What would happen if I did something different? Try journaling about your beliefs to get to the bottom of them and decide whether you want to keep them.
  3. Write rebuttals to the limiting beliefs. For example,
    Limiting belief: Success has to come through hard work.
    Rebuttal: Don’t confuse effort with value. My wisdom, experience, perceptiveness and ingenuity can produce a lot of value, and do it ethically. People are happy to pay for real value. I can leverage that value instead of working harder and longer. I can create passive income streams.
  4. Imagine yourself succeeding. Visualize yourself in the successful situation in great detail. Research shows that rehearsing in vivid visualization is almost as effective as physical rehearsal.
  5. Speak and write positive words to yourself about the subject. Listen to tapes and read books that uplift and encourage you, in order to forge new neural pathways in your brain. Every time you complain or disparage yourself or your situation, you shore up the old neural pathways connected to the limiting beliefs. If vestiges of the old belief still linger, just add, “but I’m improving.”
  6. Don’t give up. Limiting beliefs are habits. Repetition of a new habit is required to break an old habit.

I would love to hear from you about how you are achieving your goals this year. You can find a goal setting tool to help you on my homepage. Happy New Year!