As a coach to lawyers, this is the time of year when I really hear the life balance questions. All year lawyers struggle to maintain work/life balance, but the challenges become more acute during the holidays. At the same time that family and friends clamor for our attention, year-end deadlines for budgetary, tax or financial reporting purposes cause our clients to pressure us with non-negotiable demands.
Here are tips to implement all year long to help achieve balance between work and your personal life, but especially during the holidays.
1. Put your own oxygen mask on first. This is the most important tip, and the one you’ll be most tempted to skip. The flight attendants tell you this for a good reason. You can’t help others or meet their demands if you deplete your own reserves. What replenishes your energy? What relieves stress for you? Spending a few minutes with nature nurtures the soul, even if you merely water the plants in your office. Create space for 15 minutes of quiet at the start of your day, and protect it. It sounds counter-intuitive and maybe impossible, but my clients are surprised at how problems roll off their backs, instead of developing into time-sucking crises, when they start the day with quiet time.
2. Buy time. Time is the biggest luxury in the life of a lawyer, so use some of that above-median income to buy more of it. Pay someone else to handle the routine and redundant tasks that eat up time. Hire a concierge, errand service, or personal shopper. Hire a professional organizer for your office or home. Pay your housekeeper or nanny to carpool and cook. Do your holiday gift shopping online. Use a dry cleaner that picks up and delivers. Buy and freeze healthy, preservative-free, ready-to-cook meals at places like Village Table, Dine Wise and Diet Gourmet. Use housekeeping and lawn services, and get valet pick up for auto maintenance. Save your precious time for your loved ones, your clients and yourself.
3. Improve your delegation skills. Don’t do for others what they can do for themselves. Empower them by giving them the training they need, and then express your confidence in their ability to manage it. This goes for home and office. I was stunned at how much time I found when I stopped minding other people’s business. Be willing to accept less than perfect performance. Let them do it their way sometimes. Ask yourself: How important is it? What outcome do I really need? Don’t be an island, a hero or a martyr. Collaborate with others to get things done. Hire an assistant who has skills and talents that are complementary to yours, not duplicative.
4. Learn to say no. Reduce commitments. Periodically review your memberships and recurring commitments to weed out a few. Before taking on a new commitment, ask yourself, “Do I really want to? For the sake of what?” If the answer is not a resounding yes, why are you considering it? To please someone else? You’ll be more likely to displease them if your plate is too full or you have creeping resentment from doing something you didn’t really want to do. Remember: Each time you say yes, you are saying no to something else. You may be saying no to being fully present with your kids, to doing your best on an important project, or to rekindling your relationship with your spouse.
Many people have trouble saying no diplomatically, so here are a few strategies:
- a. Stall for time. Don’t answer right away. Say, “Let me check my calendar (my current work load, or my spouse’s commitments), and get back to you.” You can think more clearly and determine what you really want outside the pressure of the moment.
- b. Offer another solution. Most people don’t really care so much who does what; they just need a solution to their problem. Say, “You know, I’m not really very good at that, but Beverly is a whiz at it. Let me give you her number.” Or, “I don’t really have time to participate, but I would be willing to make a financial contribution for the project.”
- c. Clarify priorities. Sometimes it is politically dangerous or even impossible to turn down a project at work. It may be better to say, “I would love to work on your project. With my current commitments I could get started in about three weeks. Would that work for you?” If some of your existing commitments are for the same person, or you simply do not have the power to say no, say “I have an over-flowing plate right now. Can we go through my assignments to prioritize them?” or “Can you and John and I work out the priorities among your assignments to me?”
- d. Sandwich your no between positive statements. “That’s a really worthwhile program you’re proposing. Unfortunately my time is fully committed right now. I admire your dedication to making a difference.” Or, as long as you mean it, “Perhaps I can help next time if we get an earlier start.”
- e. Don’t give lengthy explanations. If you say you can’t, they may try to find solutions so that you can. Or they may hear you as insincere or untruthful. Simply say “I already have conflicting commitments.” If that won’t do, it would be better to make it clear that it’s your choice. “My work requires a lot of long hours. So I reserve what little extra time I have to focus on my family.”
5. Improve your time management skills. Systematize and automate as much as you can. Create a system for doing redundant tasks and document the system. It will be more efficient, as well as much easier to delegate or teach someone else, if you have detailed written instructions. Invest in software and hardware that will reduce steps and do work for you. Organize your office and your home so you don’t waste time looking for things. Read some of the articles in previous issues of The Practice Manager or on my website for more time management tips.
6. Double up. Plan some of your activities so that they do double duty for both personal and career benefit. Enjoy recreational reading by listening to books while you drive to work or a meeting (it reduces the stress of traffic). Invite your clients to bring their kids to the ballgame when you bring yours. Take a client and spouse to dinner along with your spouse, then after dinner go dancing just with your spouse. Let your kids jog with you, or use a jogging stroller. (Let go of the competitive drive that says you have to get your time down or run farther than last time.) Let lifting and playing with your kids be your exercise. Half an hour of playing tag in the yard will get your heart rate up and delight your children.
Balance is not something you achieve, and then you’re done. Maintaining balance requires intention and constant adjustment. Like learning to ride a bicycle, it gets easier with practice, but it helps to have a partner run along side you at first. A buddy or a coach can help.