improving communication Archives

21 04, 2008

Clues You Can Use to Soothe Clashes

2008-04-21T15:47:31+00:00By Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.|Comments Off on Clues You Can Use to Soothe Clashes

We all have someone we have to deal with who is somehow blocking us from getting what we want. It may be opposing counsel, but it may just as likely be our own partner or a staff member who isn’t performing to our expectations. In those situations our frustration levels mount, and some of us sneer or explode. We go from dealing with a difficult person to being a difficult person.

Many such problems can be solved or prevented if we can improve our communication skills. Here are some “clues you can use” to improve your communication and reduce the conflict in your office.

1. Deal with annoyances while they are small.

This concept particularly applies to people we interact with frequently. Sometimes someone does something that annoys us, inconveniences us or hurts us, but because it is a small matter, we think it would be too petty to bring up. By the time it (or something like it) happens the tenth time, we have a big stack of grievances to address, and our emotions run high. We appear to react out of proportion to the incident, but actually we are reacting to ten incidents. Ambrose Bierce, an American author and newspaper columnist, said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” If we simply address the issue the first or second time it occurs, we usually can discuss it calmly, casually and without a lot of emotional investment.

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10 04, 2008

Does Lawyer-Speak Create Workplace Dysfunction?

2008-04-10T16:15:22+00:00By Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.|Comments Off on Does Lawyer-Speak Create Workplace Dysfunction?

Dan told the group what he thought was the appropriate course of action to take. No one voiced any opposition, so he took steps to set the plan into motion. Later he was surprised to get feedback that Karen thought he was controlling and railroaded the group into doing things his way. Dan felt dumbfounded and frustrated. If Karen had another idea, why didn’t she speak up in the first place?

Have you ever been in Dan’s shoes? Or do you identify with Karen’s perspective, acquiescing to someone else’s way of doing things when you don’t really want to? The problem may be as much a matter of conversational styles as substantive disagreement, according to Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., bestselling author and linguistics professor at Georgetown University.

In her book Talking from 9 to 5: How Women’s and Men’s Conversational Styles Affect Who Gets Heard, Who Gets Credit, and What Gets Done at Work, Tannen points out that many people expect ideas to be explored through verbal opposition. “When presenting their own ideas, they state them in the most certain and absolute form they can and wait to see if they are challenged,” says Tannen. “Their thinking is that if there are weaknesses, someone will point them out, and by trying to argue against those objections they will find out how their ideas hold up.”

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14 03, 2008

Learning from Our Mistakes

2008-03-14T11:16:53+00:00By Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.|Comments Off on Learning from Our Mistakes

A wise person said, “A mistake is not a mistake unless you fail to learn from it.” I made my share of mistakes in my legal career, and here are a few I learned from. I thought I would offer you the chance to learn from some of mine, instead of making them all yourself.

1. Viewing speaking and writing as non-billable time. It is true that we usually can’t bill anyone for those activities or the preparation time required. When I looked at it that way, however, I tended to de-value the activity, and put it behind everything else. Of course, that means I didn’t get around to developing talks or writing articles that would showcase my expertise and expose me to new contacts. The wiser course would have been to view those efforts as important business development activities, so that I would give them the appropriate emphasis.

2. Focusing on prospective clients and not on prospective referral sources. As a corollary to the first law practice management mistake described above, I didn’t take advantage of opportunities to speak to audiences full of referral sources. At a time when I represented small businesses, the managing partner of the regional office of a large national insurance company asked me to give a talk to their sales stars about shareholder agreements in closely held organizations. I never got around to it. I saw it as a favor to them and I didn’t recognize that they would be highly motivated to act like my free sales force convincing business owners that they needed shareholder agreements backed by key-leader life insurance. I didn’t recognize the opportunity, even though I had seen how an initial small project could develop into a significant long-term client. When those life insurance clients didn’t like their existing counsel, or needed a referral for other reasons, I would have […]

10 06, 2007

Get Remembered

2007-06-10T07:36:39+00:00By Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.|1 Comment

Years ago at an early morning meeting Jimmy Brill, a veteran estate planning lawyer and the founder of Solos Supporting Solos, asked each of 30 lawyers to introduce themselves and their practices. I didn’t know any of them, and they all faded into a blur, except for one tall gentleman in a straw hat and seersucker suit. He said, “I’m a proctologist in the courtroom.” He got some chuckles and my attention.

I often ask the attorneys I coach on business development to analyze their client list to determine how they obtained their previous clients. Most of them report that the majority of their new clients come as referrals. If your business depends on referrals, your success depends on the likelihood that others will remember you when someone has a problem you can solve.

A couple of months after that morning meeting, I asked someone in the group, “What’s the name of that guy who’s the proctologist in the courtroom?” “Ted Hirtz,” he responded immediately. Ted’s introduction stood out and triggered the memory of enough people for me to locate him again.

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15 05, 2007

Questions May Be the Answer for Performance Problems

2007-05-15T12:24:37+00:00By Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.|Comments Off on Questions May Be the Answer for Performance Problems

Do you have an employee who just doesn’t seem to be performing up to snuff? Is there a way to rehabilitate that employee? Or do you have to choose between termination and tolerating inferior performance? Employee turnover is time consuming, disruptive, costly and often bad for office morale (including yours). Before jumping to the conclusion that the employee just isn’t working out, it’s worth making sure that the problem does not lie elsewhere. If you don’t eliminate that possibility, you may be doomed to experience the same song, second verse with the next employee.

Managers often think that employees don’t do what they are supposed to do because they don’t want to, don’t care or are incompetent. That would lead to the conclusion that the manager must terminate the employee or settle for poor performance. However, in his bestseller Why Employees Don’t Do What They’re Supposed to Do and What to Do About It, Ferdinand Fournies points out that managers sometimes unwittingly create situations that cause the poor performance they complain about. What if getting better performance from your employee were as simple as changing your own behavior […]

28 01, 2007

Are You Getting in Your Own Way at the Office?

2007-01-28T13:25:23+00:00By Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.|Comments Off on Are You Getting in Your Own Way at the Office?

Have you ever considered what role you may play in the effective functioning of your office staff? I have worked with lawyers who were unhappy with the performance of their administrative assistants, and who wondered what to do to correct the situation. I have worked with dedicated firm administrators and support staff who were stressing to the breaking point from working with difficult attorneys. Even as a lawyer myself, I learned that at […]

12 06, 2006

The Biggest Bang for Your Management Buck

2006-06-12T11:14:12+00:00By Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.|1 Comment

She tried to maintain her composure, but one large tear betrayed her as it slipped over the brim and slid down her cheek. “Why don’t they ever tell me that?” she asked plaintively. She had just received a positive annual review with quotes read by the firm administrator of the complimentary assessments by the attorneys she worked for. Like that legal secretary, most of us hunger for feedback, yet we are terrified of receiving it.

We have heard a lot over the years about what we do wrong from parents, teachers, bosses, spouses and even strangers. How often do we hear what we do right?

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1 12, 2005

Clues You Can Use to Soothe Clashes

2005-12-01T10:43:48+00:00By Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.|Comments Off on Clues You Can Use to Soothe Clashes

We all have someone we have to deal with who is somehow blocking us from getting what we want. It may be opposing counsel, but it may just as likely be our own partner or a staff member who isn’t performing to our expectations. In those situations our frustration levels mount, and some of us sneer or explode. We go from dealing with a difficult person to being a difficult person.

Many such problems can be solved or prevented if we can improve our communication skills. Here are some ‘clues you can use’ to improve your communication and reduce the conflict in your office.

1. Deal with annoyances while they are small.

This concept particularly applies to people we interact with frequently. Sometimes someone does something that annoys us, inconveniences us or hurts us, but because it is a small matter, we think it would be too petty to bring up. By the time it (or something like it) happens the tenth time, we have a big stack of grievances to address, and our emotions run high. We appear to react out of proportion to the incident, but actually we are reacting to ten incidents. Ambrose Bierce, an American author and newspaper columnist, said, ‘Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.’ If we simply address the issue the first or second time it occurs, we usually can discuss it calmly, casually and without a lot of emotional investment.

[…]

1 09, 2005

Behavior Styles Affect Communication

2005-09-01T10:54:42+00:00By Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.|Comments Off on Behavior Styles Affect Communication

“I ask you what time it is, and you tell me how to build a clock!” John said with exasperation. Ben felt confused and, frankly, a little hurt. He just wanted to make sure John had all the facts before making his decision.

***

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Carol asked.

“You file it with the county clerk,” Glen responded.

“I don’t understand, ” Carol said, furrowing her brow.

“You file it with the county clerk,” Glen repeated.

“What do you mean?” Carol said, raising her voice a little.

“You file it with the county clerk,” Glen said slowly and distinctly. Then he turned and walked into his office, feeling exasperated.

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